The Top Ten Things I Learned About Infertility











Excerpt by Susan Bisno Massel via

Top Ten Things I Learned About Infertility (from a retiring volunteer support group leader)

1. Infertility is linear…you don’t know how you’re going feel about any treatment or any part of it until you get there. One minute you may say “no way” to IVF, and then you find yourself giving yourself shots and counting follicles!

2. Men (husbands/partners) do care, and they will be great fathers. But, in my experience, I’ve noticed that their highs are not as high nor are their lows as low on the path to parenthood. Most of them are able to picture life without children without tears coming to their eyes and can easily see how life with more money and no children can be a viable version of a happy ending. I don’t completely buy the conventional explanation of “it’s not happening to their body.” I think it’s more that many of them are Cubs fans and are used to painful disappointment for the team they love.

3. There’s no dipping your toe into the infertility world. You’re either underwater or by the side of the pool.

4. You cannot understand this until you go through it. Period.

5. Pick a few people to talk to this about, and then forgive them if they ask you how it’s going when you don’t want to talk about it. Letting people in and talking about this pain can really ease the burden, but once they’re in, they’re in — no two ways about it.

6. Baby showers, baby pictures, hearing moms complain about their kids — these are all things that can, and probably should, be removed from your life for the time being.

7. Jealousy and intense dislike (I intensely dislike the word hate) are a natural part of the human rainbow of emotions. Feel them, forgive yourself, and move on.

8. It’s likely that not all relationships in your life will survive infertility. Friends who get pregnant while you can’t may be casualties. It happens.

9. Have talking points when you go to Christmas dinner….or just out for coffee. When people ask if you have kids or if you plan to, have something ready to say, so you don’t have to think on your feet. Mine were: “It doesn’t look like it’s in the cards for us.” That seemed to make people feel a little bad for asking (which I have to admit I wanted) and let folks know we’d tried, which, for some reason, I also wanted.

10. Nothing stresses a woman out more than being told to relax. This is not your fault.

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